The UpStream

Nintendo to Show Off its Better Wii at E3

posted Sunday May 1, 2011 by Nicholas DiMeo

Nintendo to Show Off its Better Wii at E3

Regardless if Nintendo thinks they rocked the 3DS sales or if analysts seem to disagree, all we know is that we love the one we have. Unfortunately, because of the disaster in Japan, among other things, Nintendo seems to project their profits to fall short of spectacular and only end up flat this year.

How will Nintendo recover? Details are after the break.

Chrysler and Beats by Dre Team Up to Bring Beats Audio to Cars

posted Sunday May 1, 2011 by Nicholas DiMeo

Chrysler and Beats by Dre Team Up to Bring Beats Audio to Cars

HP and the Beats by Dre audio technology has been a match made in heaven so far. Crisp, clear, 24-bit sound inside HP laptops and even inside the next line of webOS devices. Well, now Chrysler seems to also agree that they need some of the magical powers of Dr. Dre himself. Chrysler and Beats by Dre announced they are bringing pristine audio goodness to cars for the first time.

For more, follow after the break.

A Dangerous Cow for Convicts

posted Wednesday Apr 20, 2011 by Scott Ertz

We all know that prison life is dangerous but even more so for one Alberta, Canada man. He was working on the farm that is part of the Bowden Institution property when he was "aggressed" by an "aggressive and dangerous" cow. That's right, cow. That's not the end of it, either. The man, Roland Johnson, is suing the Canadian Attorney-General for $500,000 because of the cow attack.

The claims do go on to be a little more valid. For example, it took 2 months before he finally received X-rays to determine if there was truly a problem. Also, he was harassed by prison staff for not finishing his employment requirements. He also lost privileges related to his "faking his injuries."

Still, though. Dude, you were attacked by a rogue cow. How do you think you're going to survive in the hole now? You should be glad that you were only attacked by a cow and not your cellmate that night. If you were in a US prison, you would have already gotten a human flu shot from a guy named Molly. Just sayin'.

Want to see just how dangerous cows can be? Hit the break for a wonderful video.

Candles Being Recalled Because They Can Cause Fires

posted Wednesday Apr 20, 2011 by Nicholas DiMeo

Candles Being Recalled Because They Can Cause Fires

I almost did a spit-take when I read this one. A recall has been issued for over 7 million candles because of a risk that the cup that holds the candle could catch fire.

The brands Chesapeake Bay Candle and Modern Light were sold at Target, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Home Goods and other stores between July '09 and February of this year. They were produced in a wide range of different scents, shapes and designs. The Consumer Product Safety Commission has said that the candles could burn and ignite the cup, which, mind you, is plastic. So far, no injuries, burned houses or scorched ants have been reported.

A plastic cup holding a candle could melt? Where was the quality check on this? Better yet, how come this idea didn't get nixed when it was put up on the whiteboard in the design meeting? "Hey, Bill, I've got a great idea to cut costs on these candles. We'll use the same plastic we wrap the candles in and make cups out of it to hold the candle! It's brilliant!"

Hopefully the designer will get fired... and beaten. Also, I'd like to point out that the Halloween series of this candle features a skull and crossbones.

Tickle the Penguin!

posted Wednesday Apr 20, 2011 by Nicholas DiMeo

Tickle the Penguin!

My love for animals, mostly penguins, sparked my desire to post this video. Cincinnati's Zoo is home to a little penguin named Cookie who is the mascot for the Zoo Bird House there. This video was shot after days of trying to get Cookie to go over to the trainer to let the trainer tickle the little bird.

Ever wondered what a penguin's laughter sounds like? Click after the break to hear it!

Spidy Powers As Nature Intended

posted Wednesday Apr 20, 2011 by Jon Wurm

Spidy Powers As Nature Intended

That's right. This is not a joke. You can attain powers from spider bites in real life just like Peter Parker did in the Spider-Man comic book series and movies. Well, they aren't exactly the same powers that Peter Parker had so don't expect to be getting a birds eye view of New York City or French kissing hot girls while hanging upside down from your own silk rope. You will, however, gain a power in your pants that Parker might gladly trade all his other awesome powers for. Let's face it. Spider-Man is a hero on the streets but maybe not in the bedroom. Here's how you can be.

Go out and find yourself a Brazilian wandering spider, also known as the banana spider or Phoneutria nigriventer. Next, have it bite you and let its potent venom work its happy pants magic. The wandering spider's venom actually contains toxins that have a variety of effects such as 4 hour erections which puts a whole new spin on "all natural male enhancement." According to Dr. Kenia Nunes, a physiologist at the Medical College of Georgia,

The venom of the P. nigriventer spider is a very rich mixture of several molecules. These molecules are called toxins, and then we have various toxins in this venom with different activity. Because of this, when a human is bitten by this spider, we can observe many different symptoms including priapism, a condition in which the penis is continually erect.

I feel I must insert this caveat before scores of "excited" men start filling aquariums with these things. The other effects of the bite are actually quite painful and result in difficulty breathing as well as lost muscle control. Odds are she probably wouldn't notice any of these symptoms anyway. I'm not advocating you should try this, I'm just saying.

As you might have guessed, Dr. Kenia Nunes is hard at work formulating a pill to encapsulate the true nature of male enhancement. They have already enjoyed success with rats and are looking forward to the real thing. Eat your heart our Viagra.

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